"Say what you need to say"

This might surprise some of you, but in spite of my hyper-share-my-feelings personality that you run into on this blog, I am actually quite good at suppressing my feelings in a verbal conversation. (Believe it or not, this written blog also goes through quite the filter before I hit the publish button. Just imagine the unfiltered version!...) Particularly in confrontational conversations, I generally pause and take time in my head to decide exactly what I mean to say. Or at least what I want to say if I want to hide what I mean or if I know what I mean to say shouldn't be said OR meant.

I developed this skill over several years of practicing self-restraint and many hours in prayer pleading for the promises in Ether 12:27. I knew I needed to be able to think about things before I spoke them, because I used to say much too much, much too often, and that lead to regret and remorse.

In You've Got Mail, Joe Fox calls them "zingers."

Yes, I used to be a master of zingers. But I'm here to tell you that the blessings promised in Ether will come as we diligently seek them.

I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

I'm now able to hold back a lot of what I'd like to say, and I'm grateful that I'm not "Mr. Nasty" all of the time. But there is a flip side to this:  after being at one extreme, it's easy to err on the opposite extreme. I know I often do. By holding back, I'm depriving myself and others of the chance to meaningfully connect, learn, or grow.

Sometimes things just need to be said. They can be said carefully, sensitively, and wisely, but they need to be said all the same.

Examples:
Think of all of the rebukes from the Lord to his chosen servants in the Doctrine and Covenants. (D&C 30:1-2; D&C 93:50, among many others.) Think of the rebukes we receive in General Conference. (I call them apostolic smack-downs.) Elder Holland doesn't exactly strike me as a man that minces words very often. But perhaps that's just me?...

Bottom line:  if something should be said, say it. Say it as kindly as you can, but don't let it go unspoken. We're all here to learn and grow and get better. A lot of times that entails getting called out on the table. Don't get let it damper your spirits--it happens to all of us, because we're human. Accept the chastisement, learn, and move forward.

But verily I say unto you, that I, the Lord, will contend with Zion, and plead with her strong ones, and chasten her until she overcomes and is clean before me.

My people must be tried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom.

Doctrine and Covenants 90:36; 136:31