Peter

I've been feeling stressed tonight, for varied reasons that touch several parts of life. I searched the Finding Neverland soundtrack on grooveshark and it's like I felt a literal inner sigh of relief. I'll edit this post tomorrow and add a link, but until then, look up Peter from the Finding Neverland soundtrack.

Goodnight, all is well.

Darkness and Light

I made a big mistake today. I watched a movie that I knew going into it was not virtuous or lovely. In fact, I knew there was a great likelihood that it was going to hurt my spirit, and it did. There was nothing sexual in the movie, and it contained less swearing than even some of the crude animated PG movies that have been released.  But the violence and inhumanity that was so pervasive through the entire film literally made my stomach sick and chased my spirit into a corner of my soul where it cowered just wanting to feel safe and loved. So many people watched and loved and raved about this movie when it came out several years ago. I know some of my readers by name who love the film, particularly for its powerful portrayal of good versus evil. When the movie was first released, I had a friend who knew me well tell me to never see it; they were familiar enough with me and my spirit to know that the moral implications of the movie would not offset the damage it would do to my spirit and my view of the world. They were right.

I knew throughout the movie that watching it was a mistake. But I didn't leave. (Sometimes I wonder what happened to the brave girl I was in high school.) Anyway, right when the movie ended I immediately started searching for something to invite feelings of safety and security and goodness into my heart--something that might comfort my spirit with the light of truth. This is what I found because someone posted it to facebook.

I know it's okay that I made a mistake today. I'm not berating myself. I know that I can repent and recommit to honoring the Light of Christ and the gift of the Holy Ghost that warns me of temporal and spiritual hazards and guides me into paths where I can feel safe in the light of uplifting things. I am grateful that Heavenly Father trusts me enough to give me "sunrise revelation"--that He trusts me enough to let me make mistakes and learn from them and be changed by them. And I'm so very, eternally grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ and that I don't have to be bound by and damned for my mistakes and sins--that I can be picked up and rescued by the Savior's love and move forward as a clean person renewed and resolved to be truer to my covenants, convictions, and testimony--that I have to opportunity to grow in light and continue in light.

"That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, 

and continueth in God, receiveth more light; 

and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day."

-Doctrine and Covenants 50:24

I humbly and gratefully look forward to the perfect day.

Pre-slumber Confessional

Hello, readers. I just wanted to jot something out just to get it down and out of my system.

I'm worn out, feel moderately upset, and I'm starting to cry the I'm-tired-and-want-to-quit tears. After working for over an hour on my primary stuff for tomorrow, I'd had about all the fun I could stand and needed a break. I resorted to facebook but that was just a dreadful idea (and thankfully short-lived) so I came here instead to "talk about my feelings."

Does life ever just feel heavy to you? Nothing in particular that should be weighing you down, but it just feels heavy anyway? Yep, it happens to be one of those evenings.

But, as my dear friend Melissa would say, "On the bright side..."

• I got to watch a smidge of the olympics today.
• The bridal shower I hosted today went rather swimmingly.
• I got to chat with Mom whilst putting up eight dozen ears of corn.
• I made Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies.
• Air conditioning exists.
• Tomorrow is combined priesthood and relief society--always nice.
• I'm clean.
• I'm healthy.
• It's an acceptable time to go to bed.

Well, thanks folks. I just needed a little chat before signing out for the evening. Thanks for taking me as I come. Te amo.

"This is My Country - Land that I Love"

Uncle Sam put me up to this post. ;)

My feelings for this country have been poignant and mixed that last several weeks, so The Fourth of July was a unique holiday for me. I just wanted to share some thoughts with you.

I love this country.  So dearly.  The more I study and become involved in its affairs the more I am certain that this land really is "promised".  There are so many admirable things being done in the United States--so much to praise and be proud of.

As an example, I attended a fireside just before the Fourth where they played the Armed Forces Medley and asked all those in the audience that were veterans or family of veterans to stand.  This easily ranks on my Top 50 list of Favorite Things Ever.  I get choked up as I see quiet old men with backs bent by age stand as they hear "Off we go into the wild blue yonder..."  To any who may be reading that have served or have had a parent, grandparent, sibling, or especially spouse serve, thank you.  Your gift is sacred and I appreciate it more than I can express.  Readers of this blog may not know that my grandpa served in WWII.  I've never stood during the Armed Forces Medley because I have felt myself too far removed to really be worthy to stand.  But Grandpa Pike passed away a year or so ago, and shortly before The Army Goes Rolling Along, I had a very clear thought:   

Stand.  Just in case Grandpa is watching.

As the music started, I stood tall and straight with my head held high and a smile on my face.  As I stood, I felt that somewhere, maybe even close by, my young, handsome, robust Grandpa was standing the same way in salute.

Again, there is so much to be proud of.

But as I said before, my feelings have been so mixed.  While there's so much to be proud of, there have been many issues recently that concern me and make me hang my head.  I'm concerned about the integrity of some (not all) elected government officials.  I'm concerned about the recent Supreme Court ruling that upheld the mandated Health Care law and passed it as a tax. I'm concerned about the upcoming election, and the potential ramifications of the outcome.

I have also become increasingly concerned about the filth that is not only tolerated, but embraced and loved and worshiped in our country.  Just prior to the Fourth, a "box-top hit" was released called Magic Mike. This proved to be the straw that broke my back.

The picture below was one of many posts like this on the facebook wall of one of my friends.  

We went to high school together.  And Girl's Camp.  And church.

Actually, Unnamed Individual, I think it does matter what this movie's about (for those of you who don't know, it's basically about male strippers). And it matters that it's full of half- or full-naked men. Or that it contains pervasive sexual content and graphic nudity*.  Or that it also includes approximately 156 F-bombs.**  It's no surprise that Hollywood would come out with something this seedy--they've been doing it for years. The shock came as I saw all the people that I know that were heralding the coming of this blockbuster with a kind of crazed reverence. Unnamed Individual was not the only person raving about this movie for weeks prior to and following its release. A friend I had in seminary went and saw it with her mother.  That breaks my heart.

What are we thinking?

This and other incidents had been weighing heavily on my mind as the Fourth approached.  It did nothing to comfort my heart when on the Fourth of July, I happened upon this during my daily scripture reading:

Mosiah 7:29-31

"For behold, the Lord hath said: I will not succor my people in the day of their transgression; but I will hedge up their ways that they prosper not; and their doings shall be as a stumbling block before them. And again, he saith: If my people shall sow filthiness they shall reap the chaff thereof in the whirlwind; and the effect thereof is poison. . .which bringeth immediate destruction."

How's that for a pick-me-up?  In surrounding verses it says, "The promise of the Lord is fulfilled. . . Who wondereth that they are in bondage, and that they are smitten with sore afflictions?" My mind was cumbered with heavy thoughts on the Fourth of July, wondering if America--this country that I love and revere and cherish--would need to fall before or at the coming of the Savior. Wondering about the Constitution potentially hanging by a thread.  What do you think?... Are the American people ripening for destruction?

I promise, I don't want to be a dooms-dayist or a doomsayer.  I don't want to have a fatalistic, all is lost, "eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we burn" attitude.  That won't help anything.

But what is to be done?

Like any smart girl, I went to my eternally smarter mother who has done 36 years more reading, more studying, and more living than I have to see if she had any words of wisdom.  As always, she did.  She led me to a talk/booklet by President Ezra Taft Benson entitled The Constitution--A Heavenly Banner.  If you've made it this far in the post, I would strongly recommend you read it. It can be bought at the BYU Bookstore, Deseret Book, or on Amazon.com for just a few dollars.  Or you can read a much less pretty version here.  Either way, it'll take less than an hour to read but it will leave you filled with fresh insights on freedom, agency, and our country.  Even more, I hope you'll have a greater understanding, as I did, of what you can do to fulfill the duty you owe to your country.

The closing lines of President Benson's address left me feeling the peace, hope, and determination to press onward that I had been searching for:

"I testify that the God of heaven sent some of his choicest spirits to lay the foundation of this government, and he has sent other choice spirits—even you who hear my words this day—to preserve it.  We, the blessed beneficiaries, face difficult days in this beloved land, "a land which is choice above all other lands" (Ether 2:10).  It may also cost us blood before we are through.  It is my conviction, however, that when the Lord comes, the Stars and Stripes will be floating on the breeze over this people.  May it be so, and may God give us the faith and the courage exhibited by those patriots who pledged their lives and fortunes that we might be free."

May it be so.

Oh, thus be it ever, when free men shall stand

Between their loved homes and the war's desolation.

Blessed with victory and peace, may the heaven-rescued land

Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!

Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,

And this be our motto:  "In God is our trust."

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

*MPAA Rating
**KidsinMind.com

Just What the Doc Ordered...

Do you ever feel shaky on some days? (No, not literally.) Today was an excellent day--I woke up earlier than I have in a long time, went on a walk with Beth and Mom, then went on a run with Beth right after. I hurried and got ready for school, buzzed up to campus, aced a Humanities test in an hour on the dot, then commenced upon a full FULL day's worth of hard, committed, pedal-to-the-medal school work. Just the kind of productive, good day that I love. But still, I've just felt shaky today. Like my system (and/or willpower) might at any given moment just shut down and power off for the next 100 years or so, Rip-van-winkle-style. But I made it through the day quite happily, so that's nice. I'm sure I'll feel loads better when my man gets home.

*20 minutes later*

Yep, loads better.