A New Leaf

Hi friends,

I've turned over a new leaf, so to speak, in the blogging realm. You can find our new blog at hullenterprises.blogspot.com. I haven't decided for sure, but I think I'll keep the other blog more newsy and hold onto this blog for the more random things I like to share. Like this:

I am a connection junkie.

On Being Real...

To say that I endorse the following article is an incredible understatement. It's what I've been ranting about for months:  this connection, vulnerability, risk, being-real business. Asking real questions and giving real answers.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/the-questions-that-will-save-your-relationships_b_4618254.html

Take a few minutes and give it a read. Maybe you'll like it, too.

The 13 and 14

Wow! November 22nd was a very long time ago. And so much has happened.

Long story short, we've moved to Texas! Blake got a job with the railroad and we are loving it here so far. If you don't already know the story (I would think most of my readers do, but you never know who is reading the blog these days!) and would like to, leave a comment.

But I digress. I requested a repeat list of the 12 and 13 from my friend, Kate, and the reason I have broken the blog silence is because she agreed to post her list on the condition that I post my own. So my dear, this is for you! (And for any of my sad, post-deprived readers. You know who you are... Beth... :))

***

This has been a joy for me, even more than last year. It has really given me the chance to reflect on where I've been, how I've grown and changed, and where I'm going. Make your own lists, if you feel so inclined.

In no particular order...

13 Great Things from 2013

1. Giving birth. Feeling my water break, driving to the hospital... it really was/is such an exciting feeling. Yes, it certainly is a lot of work (labor), both during and for weeks after, but I wouldn't trade giving birth for anything.
2. Our family trip to Yellowstone.
3. Extensive growth personally and in our marriage. Life is sweet.
4. Overcoming challenges regarding parenting and breastfeeding.
5. Spending lots of meaningful time with the Briggs Family over the holiday season. One of the happiest seasons I can remember.
6. Eliza becoming interactive. Don't get me wrong--I've always loved her, but I feel like now I have a companion of sorts. Someone who listens to me, responds, laughs at my jokes, and smiles when I smile.
7. Spending many, many wonderful days with Beth in the Orem House. Some of the best days of my year were spent laughing with her in the kitchen.
8. {Bittersweet} Moving away from Orem and learning to really love Bluffdale.
9. Editing papers with Blake during the last semesters of his undergrad.
10. Blake's last intramural soccer season with the Awesome Possum Crew.
11. Being so proud of Blake as we watched the fruit of his hard work and dedication pay off with some big fly-outs and job offers in December. Also, experiencing all the craziness of this job falling into place so quickly.
12. Accomplishing some big goals.
13. Finding my way into my role as a mother. It's a journey that I will be on forever, because my life as a mother will always be changing. But I've come a long way since February and it feels good to have gained some ground and become more comfortable in the calling I've been given.

Honorable mention:

• Grandma and Grandpa Hull's 50th Wedding Anniversary Celebration - learning from their wisdom and experience.
• Having G&G Hull home from the mission; some very wonderful Grandma Days for Eliza.
• My convocation/commencement. Blake finishing school!
• Education Week. Thank you, Mom, for that priceless gift!
• Grandpa Packard's wedding; Kyndal's play; Brynn's choir concert -- I love family events.
• Going to Temple Square with Blake this past December. 

14 Things I'm Looking Forward to in 2014:

1. A better relationship with my Heavenly Father. It's time.
2. Getting/building a house? This year we really will be setting down some roots. Could it really be time for hobbit holes?
3. Baby/Pregnancy #2? Not an announcement. Just being open to what the Lord has in mind for our family.
4. Getting to know Texas. The roads, the geography, the culture, the attractions, the people...
5. Missionary work like I've never experienced before. The other day I got asked if I was a Mormon. I think it may have been the first legitimate time in my life.
6. Watching Eliza continue to grow. Helping her experience that growth and learn to love the world.
7. Texas adventures.
8. New callings. Another chance to really make visiting something meaningful.
9. More personal growth and growth in our marriage. More moments laughing with Blake.
10. Visitors. :) If you're in the Dallas Fort-Worth area, let us know!
11. {Post facto, since this happened in 2014, so it can't go in the 2013 list?...} Having Blake's Dad make the 19-hour trek to Texas with us and having him stay with us for a few days.
12. Watching changes in our families from afar. I can foresee a lot of growth in our family members this year.
13. Getting to know the extended family we have out here in Texas.
14. Some ordinary things that have become extraordinary for me, like attending the temple, general conference, swimming, seeing Blake love the work that he does, picnics, getting a library card... 

Life is a splendid affair for us all, don't you think? Have a great day!

The Hardest Thing

Eliza is a passionate little soul who hates change. (I wonder where she got that from...)

I'll spare you the dramatic details, but long story short, Eliza did just fine with occasional bottles the first 9 months but attempting to make the permanent switch from nursing to bottles has thrown our little world topsy-turvy. So we're on a doctor-recommended battle of wills where the only dinner she gets is formula from a bottle. If she doesn't take the bottle, she can have an opportunity to take it later. But that's it.

(Dear Readers, this is where you don't judge me and just assume that I'm doing the very best that I can, because I am. Many thanks. Love, Eliza's Mom)

Needless to say, this is really tough on both of us, and we're only a few hours into it. Poor little dears... Sobbin' buckets of tears.  

Well, there can be humor even in the midst of a Jonah Day.  As I was holding Eliza and we were both crying, a little gem from my past came to my mind:

We both know that we shouldn't be here--this is wrong--and baby it's killin' me, it's killin' you, but both of us gotta be strong. . . . So you can get on with your life, I've got to be cruel to be kind.

I've made up my mind; there is no turning back. She's been good to me, and she deserves better than that!
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do to look you in the eye and tell you I [won't nurse] you. It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie to show no emotion when you start to cry. 

Et cetera, et cetera...

Now tell me that's not the most ridiculous thing you've seen/read all week! I hope you guys think it's funny--I sure got a laugh out of it. It's silly how well some love songs and break-up songs apply to the mother-child relationship.

Well, sounds like Eliza's calling me and asking if she can give the bottle another go. Wish me (us) luck!

Snow

25 of 1000

I wanted to share some of the things that have made it onto my list of things I'm genuinely grateful for. It's amazing just how many of the items on my list are people and specific experiences in my life.

I'm grateful...

• For the signs of the Second Coming
• For Lucy Maud Montgomery
• That I can counsel with both sets of parents
• For temple recommend interviews
• For the capacity to change
• That I can carry a tune
• That Blake can listen to books on tape to/from school and work
• For an analytical, thinking mind
• To have a new brother that's my age
• To have dated good men that prepared me to meet, marry, and love Blake
• That my father is an affectionate, meek man who never yelled
• For the gift of nurturing
• That Blake and I aren't the same
• For physical attraction, or "spark," if you will
• That I'm a girl
• That I am the first daughter-in-law in the Hull Family
• For Mr. Carter, Mr. Wojciechowski, Lisa Boswell, and Dr. Day--for believing in me and my writing
• For the things I've learned from Dr. Reber; he's the reason I needed to hang around in the Psych major for a while 
• For people who are smarter than I am
• When I see the answer to a prayer
• When I can be the answer to a prayer
• That Blake isn't a big spender
• For words of appreciation
• For Solitude
• For Companionship

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Emma

There's a line in Emma (with Gwyneth Paltrow) that I absolutely love. Actually, there are many lines that I absolutely love, but this particular one seems to resonate with me often. I tried to find a clip of it on youtube but came up short so you'll have to make do with just the quote:

"What is the point of me being almost twenty-two if there is still so much for me to learn?"

Yep. That's how I'm feeling tonight:  a day late and a dollar short. But we've got lots of days and lots of dollars and lots of chances to try, try again. So we keep moving forward, keep learning, and keep figuring things out a little bit at a time. Onward, ever onward.

In the name of positivity, here's a delicious and hilarious exchange from Emma. Man, this movie really is a keeper. Enjoy!

1000 Things I'm Grateful For

Grateful for the Rain

Photo taken by Madeleine; Awesome raincoat c/o Melissa

One of the toughest and best years of my life

Those who know me know that I love lists.  Shopping lists, to-do lists, goal lists, packing lists...  I could make a list of the lists I love. Lists are TLC for my sanity. Lists are a balm for my soul. Lists make me feel like I've been wrapped in a warm, fuzzy blanket fresh out of the dryer and handed a mug of hot chocolate and my favorite book while the snow falls softly outside in the night. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Well yesterday, I started working one of my favorite lists to date: 1000 things I'm genuinely grateful for. This experience is changing me. And I love it. You'd be amazed at how easy it is to see the blessings in our life when we train our eyes to see them and cultivate a mindset of gratitude. 1000 seemed like a lot when I started, but it has been so easy. That's the beauty of it--that is how blessed we are!

I challenge you to write your own list. You don't even have to finish by Thanksgiving--what better time to be mindful of our many blessings than the Christmas season? I just challenge you to finish... Finish and then keep going! God has surely blessed us with thousands, even millions of things to be thankful for.

Just to get the wheels turning in your mind, when was the last time you were grateful for:

• Oxygen and the CO2 cycle?
• Vaccines?
• A circadian biological clock? (We get to sleep for a third of our time every day!)
• Zippers? (Can you imagine having buttons/ties/snaps for everything? Jeans would be so awkward!)
• Control over your bodily functions? (Having studied Gerontology, that's something we young bucks definitely take for granted.)
• A particular verse of scripture that you love or a talk that really spoke to you? (For me recently, Jacob 2:18-19; How Do I Love Thee--Elder Holland)

There's a jump-start for you. This is really going to transform my holiday season this year--I can already feel it. It puts my life into perspective and makes all the unimportant things that scream for my attention melt away in a spirit of humble gratitude. Really dig deep as you write your lists and see what it does for you this season.

It’s so easy in life for us to receive blessings, many of them almost uncounted, and have things happen in our lives that can help change our lives, improve our lives, and bring the Spirit into our lives. But we sometimes take them for granted. How grateful we should be for the blessings that the gospel of Jesus Christ brings into our hearts and souls. I would remind all of you that if we’re ever going to show gratitude properly to our Heavenly Father, we should do it with all of our heart, might, mind, and strength—because it was He who gave us life and breath.  -David B. Haight, 2002

"I only tease the ones I love." -Grandpa Packard

Blake was feeding Eliza her fruit and cereal the other night when I hear this conversation:

"Quit takin' this like a man. You're supposed to get agitated."

...silent pause, in which I imagine he's sticking the spoon at her face or on her nose or withholding the food from her grasp or something...

"Nothing, huh? Man... You can't be provoked."

I think I married a teaser. :)

Hold Your Hormones

*Blog title dedicated to Coach Fish--my high school physics teacher. Instead of "hold your horses," he'd always yell hormones instead. Very appropriate for high a school physics class in my opinion.

I have a few girly things to say. Men, beware.

While I was single, I feel like I had acquired a fairly decent handle on my hormones. Perhaps it was because I was drowning in estrogen in an apartment of six girls, but I feel like I understood my hormones and gave them more credibility in my life. As in, instead of feeling like my life was a smouldering heap of despair and doom, I would think instead--"Oh wow. Am I about due for a period? Yep. I guess life will look better in a day or two. No need to panic." Being a woman is lovely.

Unfortunately, I feel like I've lost my touch as a hormone-whisperer. Granted, I'm dealing with hormones that I've never had before (getting pregnant, getting unpregnant, then nursing for 9 months throws a wrench in the well-established hormonal routine), so I'm having to learn a new hormone language. I think I'd rather learn Mandarin Chinese. I also haven't had one of those period things since... Hmmm, May 2012. While that's more or less a perk, it does leave me without some sort of tangible indication of hormonal influx. And now I don't have anything to give meaning to my random acne eruptions. Darn.

This might sound like I'm complaining, but it's actually more of an endearing, satirical view of biological womanhood. ("Endearing, satirical view..." Does that even exist? Perhaps the best oxymoron I've come up with on this blog.) I love being a girl--periods, hormones, and all. And this new hormone business is in the name of having and feeding a baby, so I'm cool with that, too. I'm just still trying to regrasp the concept of hormones and how they affect my daily life. (And Blake's daily life, poor chap.)

Why am I giving you all of this "TMI" information? Because I've had a few of those "my life is smouldering heap of despair and doom" days recently. Life has some stressful things in it--there's no doubt about that--but life is good. Everything will work out and is working out--all is well. I'm sharing this as a reminder to all of you--especially you women and husbands of women and perhaps my pregnant friends--to consider the workings of hormones in your life. Do you feel like everything's falling apart? Relax. Chances are, they're probably not, and everything is going to look fine in a day or two. Give time a chance to work its magic and bless you with perspective. And when you're crying and thinking that all is lost for whatever reason, in the words of my friend, Claire:  "Understand that it probably really is the hormones."

Life, Love, and Deliciousness

Air-popped popcorn, apricots, and cottage cheese for lunch. I actually feel quite good about that. (Did I really just end a blog drought with my lunch menu? Oh my.)

Life is delicious. Not just for me, but for lots of people I know.

1. My good friend Melissa has found her man and is anxiously and happily engaged. This woman is "class" personified and I can't wait to see the engagements/wedding pictures. 2 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days, Melissa! Woohoo!
2. Grandpa Packard is GETTING MARRIED on Friday! Congratulations to Grandpa and Miss-soon-to-be-Mrs. Marsha.
3. Also joining the Packard Posterity is a Mr. Scott Greenhalgh, who has the very sacred privilege of marrying one of my top 5 favorite cousins in the Packard Family: Megan. (Don't tell the other 102 I said that!) If you want to see some truly enchanting wedding photos, check these out. As I understand it, Megan is wearing Grandma Packard's wedding dress. How neat!
3. I have a sibling who may or may not owe ice cream, which means that life is going quite well for that individual. Love must be in the air!
4. Eliza is set to be adorable for Halloween. She doesn't know it, but life is delicious for her, too. (She just knows that mashed apricots are delicious.)
5. And Blake?... is married to me. Which I hope is a delicious experience on most days.


Other than that, here's a little bit of what we've been up to.

• I take lots of pictures of Eliza. And even more of Eliza and Blake together. But there aren't very many of me and Eliza that haven't been haphazardly snapped with the laptop webcam. I have a goal to fix that.
• Eliza is purely delightful. Not all of the time, obviously, but there are moments when I just feel like I'm going to burst from the joy that I feel being with her. In all honesty, starting out with this motherhood business was definitely rough for me. It wasn't rough every day, but many, many days. The fog is slowly clearing and I'm starting to see the love story that has been unfolding for the past 9 months, and my goodness, it's beautiful. There are still days thick with fog, but I see more often the sunshine and radiance that this stage of my life holds. 
• Blake is in passionate pursuit of job post-graduation, which is stressful but exciting. The company he's currently interning for would love to keep him, but they aren't quite what we're looking for. It's nice to know we have a fall-back though in case we don't catch our "bigger fishes" before January.
• Blake finally got issued a calling in our ward and is enjoying being a ward missionary. The missionary effort in this ward is definitely impressive, but there is still a mountain of opportunity to spread the gospel here! For example, out entire building minus our back-door neighbors are either not members or inactive. Like I said--so much opportunity!
• I love reading. And I'm doing something I always thought was crazy in other people: I'm reading multiple books at once. I'm currently sinking my teeth into Anne of Avonlea, The Power of Everyday Missionaries, The Power of Starting Something Stupid, Bringing out the Best in People, and Spirituality: The Key to the Science of Theology. The first two are more particularly holding my attention, but I intend to see the other books through as well. Reading is so much more of a wholesome pastime than watching something. (TV, movies, lame youtube videos...) Megan Conley from MegInProgress.com puts it this way:

"To read a good book is to escape, but it is an interactive experience that engages you. . . . The TV will continue to play if you stop watching, while the story in a book goes silent if you close its covers. A book is all about connections, it brings you to new worlds, new people and connects you to the voice of the author. There is power in the written word. It feeds and sustains." 

I feel fed and sustained as I read. I smile, I laugh, I cry, I engage. My mind ingests and generates. It lifts my thoughts higher. I love it.

There's more that we've been up to, but Eliza is about to wake up from her nap and I know if I don't just post this now, it won't get posted. In closing (is this a church talk??), here are some pictures of the two people I love most:

Breaking News!

This just in!


http://youtu.be/pOOsoNUzIac

Wisdom

"There are only three things you need to let go of:  

judging, controlling, and being right. 

Release these three and you will have the whole mind 

and twinkly heart of a child."

-Hugh Prather 

An ambitious and challenging goal, yet well worth our best efforts.

I'd give a lot to have Eliza's whole mind and twinkly heart.

Surprised by Love

 I didn't ever imagine myself loving babies quite this much.  But Eliza is no ordinary baby.
She's mine.

Whispering/Talking

Laughing with Daddy

Have a Happy Day

I've run into a challenge: I finally have something I want to write about, but not the time I need to get it written. I can only get so far in a post while Eliza's napping before it's time for her to be up and at 'em again. But I'm trying to slowly chip away at it--I hope to post soon.

Until then, I just want you to know that although some days can be pretty lousy, keep in mind that lots of days are quite grand. In the midst of a wretched day, know that a wonderful one is right around the corner. The sun has a way of always coming back out from the clouds, even if it takes longer than we'd like.

Keep your chin up! Life is lovely.

Smile... It's Wednesday

This has been floating around on facebook, but I thought I'd post it here in case you hadn't seen it. I've watched it three times and I'm sure there will be several more replays! In my opinion, it's right up there with the "you sneaky mom" boys.

A little background on this video from the youtube from the uploader's info:  "She thought she kept hearing fireworks and couldn't sleep, so we sang to keep her mind preoccupied. In the end, nothing competes with fireworks."

This makes me very much look forward to good times ahead with Eliza. But one day at a time; I'm not ready to let go of the little moments I get to have with her right here and now!

I hope you all have a great day! If yours is stinky, try to make the day of someone else!

P.S. Does anyone think he looks like the guy who woke up out of surgery shocked to find that the hot babe next to him was actually his wife?...

Calling all Dream Doctors

In one of my college classes, I forged a unique bond with the girls sitting around me because someone decided to share a bizarre dream with another on one particular day. River started it. (Name has not been changed, believe it or not. She liked her name, but kind of thought her parents were a little silly.) She was sharing her dream with me in a somewhat private conversation, but soon two more girls were leaning forward in their chairs, hanging on to every word about how River had been chased about by a monster while trying not to fall to her death in the river of molten lava that surrounded her.

Pretty soon, other girls were sharing the dreams they'd had the night before and before we knew it, a little group of dream doctors was born. Each day before class, we'd put our heads together. "Any crazy dreams last night?" "Yeah, I dreamed about a guy I dated in high school. [She's now married.] I hate when that happens! It makes me feel creepy and unfaithful." "I know! That happens to me, too! I always end up rewriting the dream when I wake up so the story goes that I punch him in the face, or my husband comes bounding in with a flaming torch to run him off or something." ... etc. etc.  It was a unique sisterhood, but it was fun to connect with the girls in the class instead of maintaining that lame unassociation that our generation lives by so often.

Anyway, this morning I'm wishing I could tell River, Sarah, and Kaylee all about my dream last night. Weird, weird, weird! Here are a few of the elements:

• A cheerleader in high school, whom I knew but wasn't exactly buddy-buds with, has recently gotten married. In the dream, she told me one of the main reasons she married her husband was a letter he wrote her while he was on his mission in Scotland (Why so much detail, subconscious?), in which he told her that "Birth control robs you of your happiness." (Complete with illustrations of naughty little birth control pills running around and making the world a gloomy place.)  --- What?? Is that some subconscious manifestation that I'm pregnant or should be pregnant or like being pregnant?...
• A guy I dated was in the dream, and I saw him kiss another man (?!) through a chain-link fence. (???) There was nothing homosexual about it in the dream--it was the other dude's birthday and apparently everyone gives birthday kisses to everyone in that society. But it was weird.
• Blake and I are married in the dream, and we are staying in the lovely mansion of the parents of the guy I dated who kissed a man. No mansion exists in real life, but why were we at their house at all??
• Blake's little sister, Brynn, had quite a pile of boys that were crazy about her. (She's 10.) She was staying up late talking to them on the phone; just when she'd hang up, another one would call and she'd flirt the night away. What the heck.
• Blake and I were also staying up late, because Harry Potter 8 was premiering at midnight. Instead of seeing it at a theater, there was a group of people in the backyard of the mansion that were going to watch it on laptops and projectors because someone had found a website with a pirated version.

 Dear Subconscious,

I'm going tell you what a wise meerkat once told a warthog:  "Sit down before you hurt yourself."

Love, The Conscious Annie

I like this {+} approach to blogging

I read the blog of a girl who does this {+} thing quite often. I like this approach. It works for me when eloquent words don't. 

+ I removed the nail polish from my toes the other day, but didn't have time to paint them. Meaning, my toes have been running around naked for a few days and it creeps me out and makes me wear real shoes.

+ I am loving all of this rainy weather. And I don't even have to feel guilty about loving it because there is no hay down. (P.S. Speaking of torrential downpour, nice work on the win against the Longhorns, Cougars! So cool that Blake got to be at the game!)

+ Question of the day:  Are you more mature than a deacon? I'm probably not. At least not when it comes to raspberries. Eliza was playing between/around/on my legs when this started happening. Thank you, laptop webcam, for catching the moment:

After a bit of practice...

Yep. Hello deacon status.

+ Eliza:
...is seven months old!
...has two teeth! (And teethes like a champ.)
...enjoys sleeping on her stomach, but hates waking up on her stomach. Bummer.
...is really becoming my dear friend. We've been having some good times together.
...seems to thoroughly enjoy oatmeal cereal. (And her digestive system likes it much more than rice cereal.)
...is trying with all of her might, mind, and strength to figure out army crawling. She seriously works up a sweat with her attempts. It won't be long before she gets the arms in sync with the legs and is crawling all over the place! I'm content to have her less mobile. Once she starts moving, she won't be content to just sit on my lap.
...loves, LOVES tags. On her blanket, on her clothes, on little stuffed animals... all tags.
...likes playing in her bed. She jabbers to herself when she wakes up from her naps, rolls all over her mattress, and bangs her feet on the crib bars for fun.
...loves the hair at the base of my neck. She doesn't yank very often, but she gently pulls my hair out of my ponytail so I generally have a little bump of hair on my neck.
...thoroughly enjoys splashing in the tub. Most of the bathroom and most of me gets soaked, but we have a good time. It's fun for me to see her so obviously thrilled with life.


+ I am quite ill. My throat feels reminiscent of my tonsillectomy recovery. I'm earnestly praying that Eliza doesn't catch this from me and that my antibodies can help beef up her little immune system.

+ Speaking of beef, this Mock Chicken Fried Steak is hands-down my new favorite way to use ground beef. DIVINE. They're surprisingly quick to whip up and packed with flavor. I bake them because it's easier (I can walk away from an oven and feed a baby--not so with a fry pan full of oil), more healthy, and I hate the smell of stuff frying. I figured I'd be sacrificing some mmm, fatty goodness! by baking instead of frying, but when I took the first bite, I was shocked to know that they were actually quite healthy. Give it a try; they're so, so good! (A few notes: I didn't bother with parsley because I didn't have any, and it was just fine. Also, if you're baking, no need to chill the patties.)

An Enigmatic Fruit

This post is only a piece of what I want(ed) to write, but I'm posting it anyway. I'm not sure when I'll get to finish my thoughts because I'm still developing them.

Friday, September 6th

I had an eye appointment this morning. The nurse that does the preliminary stuff with you before the doc comes in brightened and immediately inquired about Eliza. Apparently she and her husband are trying to get pregnant. One would think that would explain the drooling and gushing over Eliza, but I tend to think that Eliza just plain has that effect on people.

The nurse asked me if I loved it--being a mom. It's interesting how often people ask that question. I answered sincerely and without hesitation.

"Yeah, I really do love it. It's been quite the adjustment to be home with her all of the time, but I love it."
"Yeah? How has it been an adjustment? You know, besides the logistics of having a baby instead of being a couple."

I didn't know how to explain what I meant.

---

I've had a really hard time writing anything substantive since Eliza was born--anything that requires a piece of me but still manages to feed me. Actually, I've had a hard time writing at all; I just haven't had anything to say. Usually when I hit this kind of writing block, it generally means that I'm an internal wreck. But I'm fine; I go through my days doing the things I should be and need to be doing, and I'm happy. But a lot of the time I just feel... hollow? Empty? {Note to self:  Insert the perfect word here once I figure it out.}

That place inside me that's usually full of life-juice just waiting to be tasted, guzzled, written, and shared has felt more full of space than anything. Being tired has a lot to do with that, I'm sure, but I do get quite a bit of sleep these days. (Thank you, Eliza!)

This stage of life is like nothing I've ever experienced before, and although I am transitioning, it's a very slow go. I'm trying to sort it all out and find how and where I fit in this new life. I know I'm not alone in this, and I'm sure I'll continue to gradually--line upon line--figure it out. But this elusive understanding can be so maddening. It's like there's a fruit dangling in front of my face, but I can't see it, taste it, touch it, or smell it. I can just feel that there's a fruit there. And I'm dying for the moment I can sink my teeth into it.

In the meantime,
I keep reading.
I keep making dinner.
I keep meal planning.
I keep bathing Eliza (and myself).
I keep spiffing up the apartment.
I keep organizing.
I keep getting the mail.
I keep meeting new people.
I keep learning. I keep setting goals.
I keep reaching out, searching in, and looking up.

I guess one way of putting it is that I keep going. I will keep moving forward until I not only taste the fruit, but can express the fruit in any medium I choose because I know it so well. Expect paintings, musical compositions, novels, free verse poetry, and sculptures of this fruit.

If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to figure this out.

Go Lauren, Go!

A few days ago, I got this email from my sister that was sent to all of her contacts.

My friend’s daughter is in this competition for a skirt she sewed. Will you click on the link and vote +1 for Lauren? It takes like 2 seconds. She is so cute and I just really want her to win! If you really want to help out, you can vote on your computer and on your phone. Thanks!

Beth doesn't strike me as the type who generally solicits votes for this type of thing, so the email really intrigued me. I figured if she went to the trouble to campaign for this little girl, it must be important. I clicked the link (it really did take two seconds), and I've been voting every day since I got the email.

I don't even know who this Lauren girl is, but I've become sucked into her quest to win this competition. She's neck and neck with a girl named Alexis--they go back and forth between being in the lead and I seriously check the page multiple times a day to see who's winning.

Which is why I am posting...

I don't profess to have bucket-loads of readers, but every vote counts in this one and I'll take what I can get! Click on the link, vote +1 for Lauren, and try to remember to vote tomorrow and Saturday as well.

http://www.kidscansew.com/gallery/virtual-fashion-show/

Lauren's got some stiff competition--let's take 'em down! Bloggers unite!